Really upside day

I am really under high pressure these days.
It is too hard for me to make every body feel satisfied. Especially myself.
It just seems that the best result for me is the company could send me offer, then, everything gets a happy ending.
Or, I have to lose something. Either myself or my boyfriend.
Still I do not wanna be a girl that was doing nothing just staying at home.
And also, I do not wanna get a low paying job that I do not like, and using the money my boyfriend gives me.
I wanna have my own career, an interesting and challenging job, a lot of friends and associates, spend the money that I earned on all the things I like.
And what is the most important, living with my boyfriend happily.
Secretly, he was the man that I wanna marry.
But all these would happen after I get my offer.
And I have to wait now, with great fear.
Just wait.
Is that my destiny?