clare's bag

Saturday, January 20, 2007

missing my friends

Today, I read a piece of news on the internet, that a female Doctor, who is a teacher in one of the most famous college, suicided, jumped from the window of her apartment, dead.

Each time, I read news like these, my heart aches. It always reminds me two of my best friends, Sky and Mickey (Their nicknames), both in Beijing University.

Sky is younger than me, he is very enthusiasm, always preparing to help others. Hard working, the top 1 student in my province. But, he dead because of a sudden illness. I went to his house immediately when I got the information about his death, I could not believe. His mother and father could say no words.

Mickey, a lovely girl, who likes singing, always talking with great humor. We all like her very much. I could still remember that one day when I was in a beautiful park, one of my classmates sent me a SMS, 'Mickey suicided', the SMS said. I was shocked, and I thought it was a joke. I called her back at once, and she cried on the other side of the phone. It was real, Mickey suicided, yesterday morning.

I could not believe a girl like Mickey who loves everyone, always make other people laugh, such an enthusiasm girl, would suicide. But soon, I read from the newspaper that it was real.

Then I read her last words.

She said she brought out a piece of paper, wanted writing something down. the left side of the paper, reasons for living, the right side, reasons for dieing. and she found out the right side of the paper was a full, and left side, almost blank. So she jumped from the high building in her school.

Till now, I always talk to myself, If I could call Mickey, If I could do something before that, maybe she could still live happily. I could not forgive myself.

Soon after that, I joined a union, I am a volunteer in my college, helping other students solve their problems, and always pay attention to students who upset or enduring hard times. Keep them from suicide.

Friday, January 05, 2007

Do You Believe?

Is there a person who cheater, who hurt you deeply?
He apologized for what he did, but you find it still can not ease the pain in your heart?
Do you find it is really very hard to believe him again?
Sometimes he tells you something, but you still cannot believe him, and just think he is lying again whether he is really lying of not.
What is your opinion on this condition?
Could you tell me about this?

I am in trouble about this, and I just want your opinions about this.
Thank you very much.

Do You Believe?

Is there a person who cheater, who hurt you deeply?
He apologized for what he did, but you find it still can not ease the pain in your heart?
Do you find it is really very hard to believe him again?
Sometimes he tells you something, but you still cannot believe him, and just think he is lying again whether he is really lying of not.
What is your opinion on this condition?
Could you tell me about this?

I am in trouble about this, and I just want your opinions about this.
Thank you very much.

Sunday, December 31, 2006

Still a long way to go

Reading the email that Luyuan sent to me. He is looking for an opputunity in Standford, and he want me to give him some advices about his personal statement.
He is a really excellent boy. Reading the PS gave me an terrific feeling about spirit, and also about his wishes.
And also, it made me think about myself again, what kind of life do I want? And also spirit?
I am not good enough, and still, I have a long way to go, to become a excellent personal, in professional field, also in spirit.
Best wishes to Luyuan.
And happy new year to everyone.

Saturday, December 23, 2006

Camper


Recently we had a picnic in Taiping valley. To our surprise, the weather here is much colder that we could imagine. Boys carried the tents, and girls carried lighter things like food and cloth. We find a proper place by the river, and encamped there. Boys did almost all the encamping work. They made tent one by one, they even made a little foci for us.

this is our camp place, and our tents.





And they also found lots of fuels We girls began to make barbecue for them, before we come to camp, we girls bought chicken wings, sausages, green peppers, mutton, pork, potatoes, pies and other delicious food. It is my first time cooking in an open fire, and I am really not good at it at all. But all the boys said, the food we made for them is delicious.
It is really too cold to sleep outside the house.








Night in mountain, camper, really very cold. It was the coldest day that I ever had. I cannot sleep at all. Boys gave me their cotton sleeping bags, and they went to sit by the fire, and play chess all night. But still, fro zing.








The next day morning ,we have to cross the river to find we back., but something unexpected happened. The water of the river has raised during the night. It is a really bad news to us. Some of the boys jumped into the river carried all the carriage to the other side of the river. Others tried to find some rocks to put into the river so our girls could come across the river by stepping on the rocks. The other girls was afraid, so I said I’d like to be the first girl to go across the river. The rocks was all covered with thick ice. and suddenly I slid into the river, and I could not stand up. It was really very dangerous. The boy nearest me, jumped into the water at once, ran to me, and held my hand, but it is too slippery and I still could not stand stalely. And I just could hear he order me ’hold my hand and step on my lumber. At last I step on, and the other boys pulled me to the safety place. We both sat on the ground, wet, and laughing. Well also I have bad cold after the camp, but I think it is worth.. I had a wonderful camp that I will always remember as my college years crazy things.


It is the river.

Thursday, December 21, 2006

Today is my birthday

Today is my 22 birthday,22 December.

About December 22

In China , December 22 called ‘冬至’,which means winter time.day is the shortest in a year, and night is the longest.

In Chinese culture, in December 22, we should eat porridge,which has all kinds of beans in it. It means each member in our family could live a happy life.

And we also eat dumplings in this day, elder people always tell me that if I do not eat dumplings in December 22, I will have my ears frost bate.I was really afraid of this when I was a little girl, so I always ate a lot .

The only thing I do not like about my birthday is , my birthday is too close to exam.we always have our final term exam in late December of early January .So I could not have party with my friends for my birthday because we are all busy in preparing our exams.

Today is my 22 birthday. And I do not feel very excited about it. These days the only thing keeping in my mind is about my career, finding my job .I found myself is more and more sensitive, and easy to become upside or angry. My boyfriend tried everything to cheer me up , but it doesnt work .Last night we standing outside of my dorm .I cried ,I said I found it was too hard for me to find a job in Beijing . He could say nothing ,but just a hug .There are many jobs I think I could do very well ,but every time I send Emails to HR . Most of the HR did not answer my Email , And in the mail I received ,they always told me that they wanted a student who is graduated from a university located in Beijing , cause I am not ,so he could not offer me the job although I have the ability to do the work well . That is funny .

Just keep trying.

Each time I wanna give up , I would think about my boyfriend , and then I know ,I will keep trying.

Wednesday, December 20, 2006

My college

My college was established in 1896, Shanghai, China.
And in 1955, 6 years after 1949 People Republic of China founding, there were badly in need of elites in north China, so my college relocated to Xi'an, which is the ancient capital of China for 6 periods.

It is one of the most famous colleges in China. I am really proud of my college.
This is our motto (left picture), the motto is written in ancient Chinese literature format , in English it means study hard, strong will, honest behavior, love our Country, and be tolerant.


Every year when the spring comes especially in May, sakura(a kind of flower) will come out. The whole school will be covered in pink, when breeze comes, petals flying in the wind, really beautiful.









And this is the library of our college, called Qian Xue Sen library,
t o mark our famous schoolmate Xuesen Qian.
Because of his research, China know more about nuclear.

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Painful

I feel really painful these days.
Finding a job in Beijing is too hard for me.
Really horrible.
Just because I am insist on never writing things that I hadn't done in my resume,
few of these company want to give me the chance to have the paper test.
Really upside.
And really painful.
I just wanna go to Beijing, living with my boyfriend.
Is it impossible?
Nevertheless I will try again.
More and more classmates found good jobs they like, but I still keep trying.
Hi Clare, never give up!!
You could live the life that you are dreaming for~